ghost Dad, A Tragedy By morgan
It was the summer of 1983, Dan was driving on the Golden Gate bridge in San Fransisco.
"I had fun today, did you?" Dan asked.
"I had an incredible time!" his Ghost Dad responded.
"Wanna grab a some pizza?"
"I'll never turn down a slice! Can we stop somewhere for me to get some cash first?"
"Of course Ghost Dad!"
Dan and his Ghost Dad then pulled up to a gas station and proceeded to walk to the ATM located outside of the building. After he withdrew money from the machine he then took out a counterfeit pen to check the bills.
"Did you just check the money you got from the ATM for counterfeit? That is literally the most Jewish thing I have ever heard of." Dan announced in a state of shock.
"Hopscotch!" Ghost Dad exclaims.
"I am so looking forward to euthanizing you again." Dan mutters under his breath.
"Nevermind the Pizza boy, lets hit up the aquarium!"
"What? What makes you want to go to the aquarium?"
" I want to meet a crustacean Dan!"
"You meet a crustacean every morning when you drown your crabs with a bottle of ensure you mummy."
"I want my crabs to meet other crabs, be social"
"That was not the right answer, but for the sake of staying In your will I'll take you."
They immediately got back into the vehicle, and drove to the nearby Aquarium a couple miles down the road. The pair walked into the establishment and were immediately greeted by a young blond women working the front desk.
"Hi there, my name is Amber, what can I help you with today?" She stated with a smile.
"Hey, this is Dan and I am his Ghost Dad, we would like two adult passes into the aquarium, and one of your finest plates of pasketti."
"Excuse me?" Amber chimed back.
"Sorry miss, try it again Ghost Dad, remember to sound it out."
"Good job, keep going."
"Close enough, make that two plated Amber."
"Sir, I don't know how to say this but we don't have spaghetti." She stated.
"What! You don't have any spaghetti? Why not, did someone eat it all? Was it that squid because I have killed cephalopods before and I'm not afraid to again." Ghost Dad angrily refuted.
"Sir that is not a squid, it's a blanket, and I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"Come on Dad, we need to go." Dan grabbed his Ghost Dads arm and started to exit the building.
"Don't worry son, we have to meet my wife anyhow."
"Your wife? How long have you had a wife?" Dan angrily replied.
"How old are you?"
"I'm 27 Ghost Dad."
"Why did you even bother asking my age? You know what, nevermind. Where are we meeting her?"
"At the Starbucks next door of course."
So Dan and his Ghost Dad walked into Starbucks, ordered a couple of gay drinks, and sat down. Suddenly Comet, the dog from Full House, stormed in dressed like Mrs. Doubtfire.
"Sweetheart!" Ghost Dad exclaimed as he greeted this Jack and Jill level monstrosity.
"Hey dad, wasn't Comet a boy in Full House?"
"There are all kinds of things I used to have that I don't anymore, like my AARP Card, Comet's AARP card is a dog penis."
"Well Comet it is lovely meeting you, my name is Dan!"
"Woof!" Comet barked back.
"So she cant talk?" Asked Dan.
"You knew what this was." Ghost Dad retorted.
Comet immediately after sprinted past a five year old boy and accidentally knocked him down.
"You know what we have to do." Says Dan.
"I do." Ghost Dad solemnly states.
The two then incapacitate Comet and take him/her to the local veterinary hospital. When they walk in Dan is carrying the dog.
"Can someone kill this dog?" Dan yells into the bustling hallway.
A doctor then appears from a door and replies:
"Sure, I'll kill your dog."
They take Comet into the doctors office and begin to prepare for the worst.
"Put the dog in the guillotine." The doctor demands.
He then pulp fiction style stabs the dog in the chest with a needle.
"He's gone." Says Dan.
The doctor then drops the guillotine blade and decapitates the dog that once held America's heart. The doctor gasps at a mysterious sight! Then the world cuts to black while the audio is still playing in the background. Our legendary journey ends with a massive screw over to the audience after they loyally kept watching for 6 years! I mean one blog post.
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